Sunday, December 22, 2013

All that she needed to know

She stood there shimmering with a beauty that defied all logic. After everything that she had been through many believed that she would be destroyed forever, left in the dirty muck. But there she stood, clothed in truth and a freedom that came only from the Almighty.

A man, who watched silently in the shadows, wanted nothing more than for her to stay bound in the dirty mud that once encased her. He looked her over with jealous disdain. She was clothed in white and wore a pearl necklace of remarkable worth. This necklace represented real beauty that is found only in an honest relationship with Jesus. It represented the truth of being redeemed and having every chain of fear, abandonment, abuse, and lies dropped to the grave. She was free. She was pure. She radiated Love.

In anger he pulled out a fake pearl necklace and walked toward her. He was tired of seeing her stand upright, smiling with joy. Her laugh grated at his nerves. She glanced his way the closer he moved towards her. She recognized his face. He was a familiar companion yet one she had been freed from years ago. Despite his advance towards her, she started to sing, closing her eyes as she peacefully smiled in worship.

This infuriated him so much that he screamed for her to take off the necklace she was wearing and put on the one he had in his hands. She opened her eyes in time to tell him no and made sure her footing was firmly planted so that she would not move. Being denied, he furiously brought up his hands and attempted to rip off the necklace around her neck. 

Pain shot through her neck, head, and back. Nothing he did was able to break such an incredible gift. The more he tugged, the firmer she stood despite the pain. When he was tired of yanking her necklace, he wrapped his hands around her neck to strangle out her voice, which she was using to speak words of loving truth. The tighter his grip, the stronger she fought for her voice. 

She pleaded with the Lord, asking for help from such binding actions. Jesus, having been the one to give her such a gift of priceless worth stepped into the room. She saw him in the distance with relief. He nodded to her to do what He had prepared her to do in this moment. In an upward motion, and with all of the strength within her, she broke off the hands that were slowly choking out her voice.

His eyes went wide. His grasp on her had been broken. Pain shot through her entire body as she gasped for air. Her throat throbbed.

Then Jesus, in all of His glory, appeared behind her. She was filled with awe as the man could only cower, desperately fighting the urge to kneel to the King of Kings. And as he collapsed to the floor, she stood victorious. Jesus wrapped His arms around her gently and whispered in her ear words that filled her with strength. These words she would forever remember. 

Jesus said, "I am so proud of you!"

That is all that she needed to know.  

Monday, December 9, 2013

Come Home

Jamie's Song- Kristene Mueller

(I walked down the aisle on my wedding day to this as a prayer that someday you would come home to us... after all, we all were wanderers who had been found in the arms of God when He pursued us. You are loved.)

I stand here on the sidelines, feeling helpless, yet the prayers I pray shake the atmosphere.
A broken dream I never knew could break is being smashed to pieces before me.
How can you not see it? 
How can there be such destruction?

My heart breaks as each piece falls.
I moan in agony as I see the final blow being wound up to finish what the enemy started long ago.
God, please intervene! 
We need you!

The ache is almost too much to bear.
Each breath is a painful reminder of that which has just been lost.
I weep, creating an ocean with my tears.
And only you God can save me from these torrent waves. 

Forgive us for our dark places that were never surrendered to your light.
Forgive us for following other lovers.
Extend your mercy upon us.
Heal this family and put back together all of these broken pieces.

We need you.
                    Go find them.
                                        Bring them home.
                                                                  Please come home.

Psalm 119:10
 “With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!”

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Messiah- a stunning, artistic portrayal of the Gospel

Messiah: Origin, is the first in a volume artistically telling the Gospel. This book is beautiful, and breathtaking artistically. The writing is simple and may disappoint those who want the full written text like a book. But to a visual learner, this book will be a great way to read the origin of our awesome Messiah. It brought me joy to see pictures that depicted what I was reading. To me, it is just another way to bring the Bible to life in our own lives.

For those of you who like to read the story of Christmas individually or as a family, this book will be a great asset to your devotional time and family time. The artwork alone can help young children get a better grasp of the birth of Jesus and remind us as adults that we too need to come to the Lord with faith like a child. 

The format may not be something that everyone likes but the visual depictions and the simple layout of the scriptures is a great addition to your daily Bible reading. These volumes will be a wonderful way to read the Bible as a family, as it brings the scriptures to life.

I received this book free from and these opinions are my own.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Merlin's Blade- Robert Treskillard


In the book of Merlin's Blade by Robert Treskillard, action, the battle against good and evil, and mystery will keep you in suspense as you read about Merlin before the time of King Arthur. Although the book is about a time that many associate with magic, Treskillard, writes a beautiful perspective of a pure, devoted heart of Merlin who learns how to battle an unknown magical and deceptively powerful enemy, with the power of prayer to the Almighty. You will be caught up in intense scenes of a spiritual battle that will make you want to read late into the night.

This is a teen fiction novel that I would highly recommend as the spiritual realm, and what some would consider fantasy, collide with the natural. The story of Merlin, a sweet and blind boy who desires only to serve Jesus, turns out to show more heroism than most adult warriors. It shows that the power of God is bigger than any other power or force. It reminds you that God uses those who love him even if they do not feel qualified for the task at hand. Above all, Jesus is Lord of all.

Please read Merlin's Blade. It will captivate you and you will not be disappointed as you read example after example of good prevailing over evil.

I received this book for free from and these opinions are my own.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

"If You Fall"

If You Fall-- JJ Heller

"Even if my heart turns black and blue, I will love you!"

I will never give up. I will keep on loving. =)

This is exactly what God does for each of us.

Lord, forgive me when I do not understand how to do this everyday.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Book review: The Daniel Cure

This is the first book review that I have done about any type of fast, diet, or physical way of living. I wanted to branch out and review other books as a way of not getting stuck in a rut.

The Daniel Cure by Susan Gregory and Richard J. Bloomer, is most likely a good book for those desiring to truly change to a healthier way of living. It is not a book for those who already have been living a healthy lifestyle. Much of the emphasis is on dieting, although the authors would say that the Daniel cure is not a diet but a lifestyle change. I would agree with them there, but there were moments when I felt like the writing was conveyed in a way to put guilt trips on those reading it as a way to force individuals to live the "Daniel Fast Way". My frustration with this is that this is only a partial fast. If you want to begin fasting for spiritual renewal and to grow deeper with the Lord, you do not need to read this book.

If on the other hand you want to grow deeper with the Lord by also changing your lifestyle this may be an excellent book to help you. After all, our bodies represent the Temple of God and we must care for it. With this in mind, the book offers a 21-day devotional to begin the 21-day fast to jump-start "the Daniel Cure", which is altering the way that you eat. They have over 75 recipes to help with this change in lifestyle and give medical and educational information for those who have health issues or want to prevent them from happening.

All in all, if you want to change your lifestyle, this book may be a good choice for you. But if you are already eating healthy and want to do your own fast, this book is not for you. You do not need a book like this to help you get closer to God. You have your Bible, and the Holy Spirit to guide you. Just make sure that you are listening very carefully to His voice and that you surround yourself with others who will support you and help guide you. 

I received this book from These opinions are my own.

Monday, October 14, 2013

The Cleft of the Rock

I have been pondering over a rather remarkable statement made in a Beth Moore Bible study series called, "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place". Together with the amazing group of ladies that I get to meet with each week, we heard Beth ask,

"Are you in a cleft of a rock when it seems darkness has overtaken you? Perhaps, God has covered your face so that you can see His glory as you see His back."

This is in reference to Exodus 33:21-22 when God put Moses in the cleft of the rock and covered his face (Moses was not to see the face of God), so that he could see God's glory. Often times, when life gets dark and troubles and pain come our way, we tend to look at it in a negative way. This message spoke volumes to me about my dark moments. I can look back over the past 3 years and see now how God revealed himself to me.

What I find rather interesting about this stage in my life and in the lives of family, is that although this is a new grief for some, it is not knew to me. I have slowly had to let go of some very important people in my life. Because I have gone through my own form of grief with some I hold very dear, this grief and letting go process has been something I have already been going through. Does it add to the ache? Yes it certainly does. Does it sometimes feel dark? Yes, some days feel darker than others. But with this in mind, I think that I can honestly say that it is God's hand over my face. Soon, I will get to see His glory through all the darkness and heartache.

Dear one, if you feel as if you are in a dark place. Do not despair. Perhaps God has placed you in the cleft of the rock, and He is shielding your face. Wait for God to reveal His glory through this time. It is worth it because He loves you. He wants to take you into His glory so that your intimacy with Him will grow.

Monday, September 30, 2013

The Merciful Scar- Rebecca St James and Nancy Rue


This fictional book, The Merciful Scar, by Rebecca St. James and Nancy Rue, is filled with a message of hope. The characters have depth, and their stories are much like our own. Filled with pain and heartache, you will be caught up in the desperation the characters feel when life gets dark. But healing begins with a decision to be brave enough to face the darkness head on. Read, The Merciful Scar, and see how one individual’s road to healing brings together others who are also struggling.

For me, this story hits close to home, as traumatic experiences are not a far away thought for me. I was able to relate to many of the characters and found myself caught up in the story of their lives late into the night. Even though my story is drastically different, the common theme of struggling to work through pain towards forgiveness and healing is something that I have dealt with myself. It is something that all of us have in common. 

We all need healing. As it says in The Merciful Scar, "you were strong enough to survive the real trauma. You're strong enough to let God bring you through the healing too." Be brave enough to allow God to help you heal from your own experiences. Know that even though this book is fictional, there are many out there with similar stories and you are not alone. There is always joy and hope waiting for you.

I received this book for free from These opinions are my own.


Sunday, September 15, 2013

Contemplating an "insurmountable" task

There has been something heavy on my mind. It stares me in the face at night. Like a towering giant, it stands tall, with a sly smile on its face, as if taunting me. Up to this point, it has never truly been a bother.

But lately, the task at hand looks dark, grueling, and insurmountable. So many questions and doubts arise amidst my growing yet obviously weak faith. I am struggling to look through my human eyes and see this through the eyes of God.

For years, my voice had been manipulated. For years, I thought that my voice had been tossed into a void of darkness. But several years ago, God helped me to take back my voice from the enemy.

Now, with this task before me, I am struggling to understand all of the reasons for having to go through this at this time. Why now? Will it even matter? Will my voice be heard? And if my voice is heard, will people even believe me?

All these questions cloud my thinking and press heavy into my chest making it harder to breath. This task, this burden was never meant to be my own. It was a stunt pulled by the enemy over 23 years ago.

Despite the task; despite the doubts; despite the timing, my hope is that my weak faith will give me enough strength to come before the giant. And with only my sling and some stones, I will speak forth the truth and slay what was never supposed to have any authority over me anyway.

An “insurmountable” task is what it looks like.

A powerful testimony waiting to be told after Love wins is what it really is!

Friday, August 23, 2013

For Someone who will always have a place in my heart...

Come Back To Me- JJ Heller

For someone who will always have a place in my heart.
                                                  You are worth the wait.

                                                                      I love you!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Getting out of the puddles to swim in the ocean

I know that it has been a while since I have last written. A lot has occurred since my last post. A lot has changed in me as well. Through it all Gods love and grace have carried me through!

Most recently I have been learning what it means to truly know who I am in Christ. I have also been learning what it means to be content with those who do not know me for me.

This can be exceptionally difficult when others are bent on their one idea of whom you are without actually getting to know you. I understand that much of our perspectives of each other are bent towards what we have heard from others. This can be either beneficial or more of a hindrance depending on whether the words spoken about you were formed from truthful or lying lips. Most of those who spend time with you, know you,  and they are going to be able to decipher between a truth and a lie about you.

I have experienced both as have the rest of us. What is most interesting to me is how often we do this towards God as well. We hear this or that happening. God did this. God did that. Depending on how often we spend time with Him will determine greatly how we perceive what we believe about what others are saying about Him. If we are rarely praying, rarely reading the Bible, and only spending time with Him at church, I can guarantee you that doubts can set in about His character because you do not know Him that well. I also guarantee you that when you have a shallow relationship with God, the Truth and Love from God dwindles out of your life slowly, and one does not even realize that instead of swimming in an ocean of His Love and Truth, you are only stepping in puddles of what is left.

Many years ago, I remember standing in puddles. I did not like what I saw. I felt lonely, sad, and weak. The reason for the way that I felt came from the fact that I did not know God on an intimate level. Instead of talking to Him everyday, sacrificing my time to spend with only Him, and giving up my own life to obey Him, I was being selfish and stubborn (I was also believing lies about Him and lies about myself). In that selfish, stubborn, confused state, I did not realize how I was robbing myself of the joy, freedom, peace, and love that God wanted me to live in every day.

Now that I am swimming in this ocean, I have found that living life is worth every second. There is no time to lose and no talent that should be left hidden for the Lord. He is ready and willing to take you in. He wants to show you His heart full of Love for you. There is no depth, nor height that can separate you from His Love!

 Romans 8:38-39 states:

38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
  39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  (ESV)

So... even if you believe lies about God or someone else, or live stubbornly in puddles rather than in the ocean of His love, He is pursuing you. You cannot run fast enough, hide in a dark enough hole, or do anything so bad that He would ever stop loving you. No, whenever you are ready to jump into the ocean out of the puddles He is waiting, arms and heart open just for you.  

Monday, July 22, 2013

The NIV Leadership Bible


The NIV Leadership Bible is a good devotional Bible that comes with 15 minute devotions that you can read for up to 52 weeks out of the year. I particularly liked the short insights that are on many pages that pertain to leadership styles/profiles based on certain scripture passages. These help bring some clarity to a passage or help you to see the leadership skills that can be adapted into your own life. The weekly devotionals incorporate many profiles of leaders throughout the Bible as well as instructions to help one grow deeper in the Lord. These insights, and instructions to read other verses within other sections of the Bible are great ways to learn and incorporate more scripture into your life.

Another important detail that I liked was that in the devotionals they recommend additional reading and verses to memorize.  To me it seemed that through all of this, they were encouraging the readers to spend more than just 15 minutes in the word of God but rather to make it a part of their life throughout the day. Memorizing a verse often helps one to meditate on God's word. It helps to engrave it in ones mind and heart. Because of that I was impressed that this was a part of the recommendations.

If you are looking for a Bible that has more in depth information including study notes, Greek/Hebrew translations and more, then look on. But if you are looking for a Bible that incorporates devotionals with a leadership focus, with the NIV translation, then this Bible is a winner. No matter what Bible you want or are using, just make sure that you are spending time reading it and understanding what it says.

I received this Bible from for free. No one forced me to write a review. These opinions are my own.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Hope amidst winter

Life can be so difficult and painful. 
Even when the sun is shining and the birds are singing, inside your heart it can still feel like winter.
In some sense I have a few areas in my own life where it still feels like winter. 
I have been waiting and waiting for spring to come while expecting a long, beautiful summer to follow.

I know that it is during those moments when I feel like giving up most, that I have to truly believe that spring is on the verge of breaking through. How do you break free from the grips of waiting for a miracle time after time, for years, with the only result being tears?

With so many tears, one would think that a sea would have been formed from them. But there is no sea to reveal this hard journey. Deep down I truly believe that the Lord waters a beautiful garden with our tears to be able to bring forth growth that would never have taken place without them. 

Dear one, if you feel like you are still in winter or maybe even a blizzard, have hope that spring is on the verge of breaking forth.

Last night I watched October Baby. If you have yet to see that movie I suggest that you do. It is a great story based on a true one! The messages were powerful. God was speaking to me throughout the entire movie as I was asking Him a series of questions about some people that have walked out of my life.

What I was able to relate to was the rejection the main character felt. She desired a relationship with someone who abandoned her more than once. Abandonment. It is a horrible thing to know how it feels like. And it is something that I feel I have had a taste of.

To these people I say this, "Maybe without me 
                                          You'll return to all the beauty I once knew..." 

But they are gone now, frozen in the dead of winter. And I am left here wondering if they ever existed.

So here I am. It is still winter. I watch and wait for the rays of sun to melt the ice and bring love. There is a hope in me that my God will come and breathe a breath of life back into them. It is the hope of sharing "all the beauty I once knew" in their presence of restored unity and love, that keeps me from burying them.

(Quote from the song "Broken Pieces" - Apocalyptica)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Simply Delicious Amish Cooking, Sherry Gore


I have been delighted with the Simply Delicious Amish Cooking book by Sherry Gore. The book as a whole is put together very well, with the real life stories strategically placed along certain recipes. The recipes are easy to make and remarkably delicious too! In some sense I felt like I have pieces of history at my hands when I read through this book and even have a taste of history after successfully completing a recipe.

With the recipes and stories coming from the Amish of Sarasota, Florida, it makes me feel as if I have a piece of understanding of the life these people live. It is more personal and more of a treasure than most other recipe books that several people may own themselves because of the history and people these recipes come from. With these reasons, it is why it makes this recipe book so special. I would recommend, Simply Delicious Amish Cooking, as a great gift for any cook, and baker.

By far this cookbook will remain special to me for many years. I will continue to use different recipes that make people rant and rave over the delicious taste, and sweet aroma from the savory food I am able to bake from, Simply Delicious Amish Cooking.

I received this book from and these opinions are my own.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Like a ton of bricks! You must read Accidental Pharisees by Larry Osborne

Accidental Pharisees by Larry Osborne is packed full of hard-core truth. There will be moments when it feels like a brick hit you over the head as you realize the moments you became an accidental Pharisee. Perhaps you are one now. Other times you will realize that the church as a whole has received their label of being too judgmental, and too self-righteous because many walked down the path of becoming an accidental Pharisee.

Full of grace and biblical truth, this book will walk you through practical ways to avoid pride and reveal the heart of God for His church at the same time. Accidental Pharisees addresses the sinful nature of man that we too often can slip into as Christians sitting in the pew, volunteering, or as Pastors. This book is intended to challenge you. I always love challenges, which is part of the reason why I would recommend this book to all followers of Jesus.

From an aspect of Pastoral leadership, I would say that this book would be a great one for your church staff or Bible study groups to go through together. There are questions to reflect on after each of the seven parts. This is a topic that must be brought up, taught, and not left ignored in the church and in our own lives. We must see pride, exclusivity, and the heart of a Pharisee for what it is, rather than justifying it. As followers of Christ we must be willing to look at the issues we have tried to justify and call it out for what it is. Sin.

Becoming an accidental Pharisee is something that we are all guilty of at one point in our life or another.  Not one of us is perfect. Despite that, what matters is that we remain true to the gospel as Larry stated. We need to always remember that it has never been about us, but it has always been and forever will be about God and what He has done for us.

Read Accidental Pharisees by Larry Osborne. I dare you!

I received this book from Booksneeze. All of these opinions are my own.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


Recently, I have found myself excited over some things that I never thought that I would be so ready for. There is a renewed sense of hope in my being that has truly helped me to deal with the ache in my heart over the loss of special individuals in my life.

With this, I have found a new sense of creativity to write. I have been combining and mixing in the perspectives I think could come from my husband and stepdaughter in with my own thoughts and feelings. When you are so connected with someone, there are times when his or her own pain feels very much like your own. If you read my writings keep this in mind. Do not assume you know the entire picture.

Hope! There is so much to hope for.  Joy can be yours despite the circumstances that surround you. When things look impossible and hopeless beyond repair, God is doing what He does best. He is working out things for your good that never would take place without every circumstance and situation occurring as it has. 

Everything that has occurred in my life has given me a choice. I can choose to let it make me bitter or I can choose God and allow Him to make me better through it all. This choice is daily, sometimes even an hourly decision depending on the difficulty of the task. I have chosen God over everything. I choose Him now and forevermore. I will not wait to choose Him until tomorrow or the day after that. I will not wait for certain people to do certain things, nor depend on them for my needs. Instead I will forevermore choose God.

God knows me. He has my entire being memorized. It is my desire to know the deepest parts of who He is. I long to hear His heartbeat, to know and listen to His voice above all others, as well as allow Him to love through me. His love casts out all fear. His love heals. His love convicts and brings a cleansing joy over those who surrender and serve Him. It is a love that is unconditional (yet He does not put up with sin for this damages and destroys whom He loves), it is slow to anger (no instant, raging outbursts from Him), and it conquers all things and never fails. This is only a short description of true love, Agape.

Being an imperfect individual being perfected by the maker of Love, I know that I am and will forever learn what His love looks like depending on the person and situation. It is hard because often, even those of us in the church, think that love means very much what the world thinks of it. The world thinks that by loving a person we allow them to continue in destructive behaviors and lifestyles. This goes from one extreme to the next, as long as they are happy. This could mean sexual orientation, other lifestyles, speaking white lies, and even gossip/slander. 

God does not like even a hint of darkness in our lives. Let me say that again, not even a hint! It is this way because He alone knows just how much one small compromise or one small attachment of sin can tumult itself into destruction for one person and then, entire families.  For this reason, it is imperative that we make a choice daily to give up of ourselves and allow God to reign in every aspect of our heart, mind, body, and spirit. There can be no compromise, only true, full devotion.

With this in mind, God knows that we all make mistakes and stumble along on our journey. What matters here is the heart. Where is your heart? What is in the deepest parts of your heart that often is hidden from others, yet exposed to God? Do you long for Him to have every part; all the imperfect pieces, the hurt? Will you allow Him to heal you, to perfect you into His likeness so that you can understand more fully His love? It is only by giving up of yourself that you will find yourself more in His presence. He does not force us to dwell with Him. It is our choice. 

Choice. If we choose Him there is so much more joy, hope, faith and love than we could ever fathom. I choose Him. It is why I have hope today.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Nothing fancy... processing loss

The past several months have been filled with loss. It is an interesting thing to experience sorrow. Depending on what you are grieving about depends on how it will affect you. Last week, I had the opportunity to share my own story. Looking back I have realized just how much loss I have experienced throughout my perfectly imperfect life.

The beautiful thing about God is that despite all that we may go through in life, He is always there to use it for good. I could go on about all of the heartbreaking things that have gone on in the past two years, let alone my entire life. I could tell you that despite my attempts for good, sometimes mud gets thrown back in my face.

Life is hard. It is filled with so many things that will cause you pain. There has been many days that my heart has felt like it was shattered into pieces. Have you ever felt this way?

I think that there will be days that I will continue to fill as if my heart is breaking. The love that I have for people runs so deep. The depth of this love is something that some are often perplexed by. It is almost as if some will run from it, either too afraid to trust or to put it simply, they believe that they are too unworthy to receive it.

What I struggle with most is the pain of lies, betrayal, and ultimately sin coming forth from the tongue (read James 3- he equates it to witchcraft, wickedness). The sorrow from losing someone that you love is hard. To have a continuation of rejection, and lies from others just adds to the pain already present. In fact, losing someone who has not passed on from this life to the next feels almost worse because there is no finalization.

With this in mind, I decided a while ago to not hold these things in anymore. By not holding the pain in any longer and allowing myself to grieve, I believe I can help someone else who may be struggling with similar things. I want my message to always be that you are not alone and that there is always hope.

Dear one, what have you been grieving over? What have you lost? Do you know how valuable you are? Do you know that you are dearly loved?

You are loved, oh so loved!! Come into the arms of the One who will never leave you, nor forsake you.

Monday, March 4, 2013

I like this!! Lysa Terkeurst's Unglued Devotional

Product Details

Lysa Terkeurst is an open book and raw to the core in the Unglued Devotional, revealing some of her most vulnerable and ugly days. What I found was most helpful for me was that through her honesty I was able to recognize again that I was not the only one that struggled with dealing with my emotions in a way that is healthy. I am a passionate woman, who loves so deeply that anytime I feel that my love is being tossed back in my face, it can be hard for me to process these feelings without some kind of burst of energy. This book was a great asset for me to read because it confirmed what God speaks about in the Bible to press into Him, He is after all in control, and learn to let go, and love through my deep emotions.

Some of the things that spoke to me were about the day Lysa shared about being a "reactor or a responder", which is something that I have been working on in my own life. She also touched on the difference between "Condemnation vs. Conviction", "Self Control", and other topics such as forgiveness, peace, and love. Through every day of struggles, victories, and breakthrough, she reveals ultimately the heart of our Father God. He does not change when our circumstances do. His truth does not change with our feelings and our tears will never drown His truth out.

The Unglued Devotional is an excellent asset to the book and Bible study. I have only been able to read the devotional so far and have been reminded more each day, that despite my imperfections, God is always there and loves me through every mistake, heartache, and trouble. It is all right to be honest and raw day to day with your Father God. You are beautiful. Take some time today to sit, read about Gods truth in the Bible with Unglued as a side, and take some time in silence to listen to Him speak His truth to you. You are worth it!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Put on Those Jet Packs!

Have you ever wondered what flying would be like? Why not strap a few jet packs on your back and see how it feels? The force on your body as you fly against gravity, the wind in your face, and the exhilarating feeling that comes from the thrill of doing something that seems nearly impossible.

This is my life. Not that I own jet packs, but on a spiritual sense, there are days where it seems like God straps some on and I just go flying! It is after these moments that I sit and reflect. I see how different I am because of God. And I wonder how I even made it through the previous week not knowing what I had just learned.

Today is one of those reflection days. It is more of a forced reflection day since I woke up sick and had to cancel all my appointments. People do not like it when you are contagious. The State of Oregon Massage Board detests it, which is why it is against the law to give a massage to anyone when you are sick.

With this state of exhaustion that I am in (it started last night), my emotions go down to the depths. Most often after working my way through the murky waters of my feelings I realize just how hard I have been on myself. There is so much to do and so many people to love. I want to do my best; to give the best; to love like tomorrow is not coming.

With the added pressure that I put on myself I can have moments where I feel like I have failed. This feeling of failure has been a constant companion of mine for years. It is something that God has slowly been freeing me from. When I say slow, the slow part is more about me since it is a process to realize the unhealthy habits and thought patterns that have been a part of my life for years.

Each time that I seem to find myself emerging from the depths of my emotions, a new sense of freedom and breakthrough occurs. Healing is a process and can be painful at times. Just like that jet pack, healing can set you soaring high in the clouds, free and full of joy despite the pain!

Sometimes, my husband can get the brunt of my "failure" as I vent, and struggle to process the crazy events that may have just taken place. He literally is the best gift. He allows me time to process things, hugs me, rubs my shoulder, or holds my hand, just as a silent gesture to let me know that he loves me despite my inner struggle.

God has used my husband to help me become the woman I am today. Looking back on our journey of love, I see part of the reason why there was some opposition for us to be a couple. The enemy was scared about what we would do, and who we would become, TOGETHER. In response to that truth, I admit that he should be scared. I say this not to brag but to proclaim the truth that through God, He is doing great and mighty things in and through us, TOGETHER.

If there is anything I have learned the past 3 years it is to: set fear of failure aside, put on those jet packs and fly!


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Longing for You

The time has come and gone, and I stand here longing. A land so close, an unending love for a people I hardly know. I see your faces in my dreams.

The desire burns in my heart to pick up a dirty orphan child who is desperate for a mother’s love. I thought I would return to you long before now. I never intended to leave you behind. I see your faces in my dreams.

I ache for your small arms to wrap around my neck. Is it just a mother’s desire inside of me? Truly I know that nothing will ever erase this fire in my soul to save each of you. I see your faces in my dreams.

Red dirt, bare feet, your footprints are forever on my heart. Round belly, and big yellow eyes, the loneliness is something that will forever haunt me. I see your faces in my dreams.

Contagious laughter, dirty tears I am sorry I am not there to dry them. Who is there with you now? I wonder how much longer it will be until I can hold you. I see your faces in my dreams.

This burning desire to come and save you is more real than ever before. It is as if I hear all of your voices calling my name during the night. Calling me back to a place where my heart is my home and strangers call me sister. I see your faces in my dreams.

Red, yellow, black, and white I see your faces in my dreams. I will come to you when He sends me and I will bring with me another hero. This time will be different. This time I can kiss the tears you cry and together we can dream under the same sky.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Where are you now?

I was listening to Red's album "Until We Have Faces"
Until We Have Faces 

I have heard this song countless times. Today this song seemed to explain exactly how I have been feeling lately. For the first time in my life I have been learning how to deal with a difficult situation in a healthy way. I am allowing myself to grieve.

I am not the only one who is facing similar heartache. 
You are not alone if someone in your life has walked away and you are waiting for them to return home.

Countless times, I have written in my journal: 
Where are you? Where did you go? 
Will you come back to love me?
I used to know you.
Who are you?

So many of us are walking around wounded. Some of us are still recognizing our worth. Many of us fight for our worth by forgiving and loving others even as they walk away. Although, this may not always feel good, true love does not hold onto what the person did to you, rather you let the person and action go by handing it up to God. He alone can handle the toughest situations. 

This does not mean that you must continue to put up with sinful behavior. This does not mean that the pain will instantly go away. It also does not mean that the situation will be fixed. The certainty is that your heart will not be tied down in bondage to that pain or to that person. Because of this there is freedom. Your heart can be healed and shaped beautifully by the hands of love.

How many of you are waiting for someone you love to return? How many of you are learning what it means to let go of pain due to the words or hands of others?

You are not alone. 
Hold on.
There is hope.
Cling to Love.
Forgive daily.
Allow yourself to grieve.
Open yourself up, let go of the pain, and let Love hold you.

Listen to this song. Maybe it will allow the tears to break forth for more healing. 
Do not be afraid to allow yourself to feel.
Let go.
There is hope for their return.



Thursday, January 31, 2013

From the Depths of our Soul

It takes one single moment to change the rest of your life. We can focus on the things that have broken our hearts to the core. Would you truly be living? We can dwell on the words that cut so deep, the lies that are still being painted as the canvas of your being, but how can one stand strong in that?

Let us choose life and love to the fullest measure, forgiveness even in the midst of reoccurring offenses. Freedom, like a banner hangs over you, will you wave it high, declaring it against your enemies? Acknowledge your worth and rebuke all of the lies.

There is one who is in your life. He holds the keys to every door, after unlocking the one to your heart. He has given you more gifts than you can count, for there are many. These gifts far outweigh any spoken lie from a deceitful tongue. Each stab in the back cannot come close to stealing one single gift He has given you. That which the enemy has tried to steal, He has restored to you seven fold.

Why then do you despair? Why do your tears fall? Is it for the one who has strayed far from Love? Is it for broken relationships to be restored?

Yes! Dear one, we cry with you. From the depths of our soul we weep for the ones who have forgotten what it is like to be in the arms of Love, speaking His truth. It is with groans that we seek the One who holds the keys to their hearts. Is it time for them to be opened? Oh Lord, we cannot wait any longer! Save them! With our whole being we cry for you to take these broken pieces and put them back together.

Jehovah Rapha we need you.  

Friday, January 11, 2013

A little creativity from my aching heart

I have done my best to stay strong. I have done my best to not let this kill me. There are scars to prove your attempt at slitting my throat. You left me for dead. Lies, like a best friend, you kept close to your bosom.

I’ve heard all I can take. There is darkness where there once was light. A soul left in depravity. How I feel the ache from the thorns wrapped around your heart. You are bound. Who will break through to show you that there is so much more worth living?

You left me there, lying on the floor; a person I thought I could depend on. Who is he that controls you? Who is he that abuses your emotions and puts you into a prison cell? Lifeless, you portray an image that’s far from the truth.

It’s time to know just how much you are worth fighting for. I almost died once trying to show you. This time it will be different. Truth is my banner and God has shown me your destiny. It is full of light and life. Hope is here. It is what gives me strength to remain standing after each brutal stab.

This time is different, despite the pain that weighs me down. I will not be so easily taken as I was before. I wave the banner high. Never have I known such truth. There is so much forgiveness and love. The ground beneath me cannot be shaken.

Strong is my stance. Loud is my voice that once was choked by prison bars. Bend your knees. It is time for redemption. Accept rebuke and forgiveness. Let this show you true love.

He is waiting. With hope I will keep this banner lifted high even if it takes a thousand years or more. Run towards the only One who can save you. Love. It is all I desire for you to know.