Thursday, February 14, 2013

Put on Those Jet Packs!

Have you ever wondered what flying would be like? Why not strap a few jet packs on your back and see how it feels? The force on your body as you fly against gravity, the wind in your face, and the exhilarating feeling that comes from the thrill of doing something that seems nearly impossible.

This is my life. Not that I own jet packs, but on a spiritual sense, there are days where it seems like God straps some on and I just go flying! It is after these moments that I sit and reflect. I see how different I am because of God. And I wonder how I even made it through the previous week not knowing what I had just learned.

Today is one of those reflection days. It is more of a forced reflection day since I woke up sick and had to cancel all my appointments. People do not like it when you are contagious. The State of Oregon Massage Board detests it, which is why it is against the law to give a massage to anyone when you are sick.

With this state of exhaustion that I am in (it started last night), my emotions go down to the depths. Most often after working my way through the murky waters of my feelings I realize just how hard I have been on myself. There is so much to do and so many people to love. I want to do my best; to give the best; to love like tomorrow is not coming.

With the added pressure that I put on myself I can have moments where I feel like I have failed. This feeling of failure has been a constant companion of mine for years. It is something that God has slowly been freeing me from. When I say slow, the slow part is more about me since it is a process to realize the unhealthy habits and thought patterns that have been a part of my life for years.

Each time that I seem to find myself emerging from the depths of my emotions, a new sense of freedom and breakthrough occurs. Healing is a process and can be painful at times. Just like that jet pack, healing can set you soaring high in the clouds, free and full of joy despite the pain!

Sometimes, my husband can get the brunt of my "failure" as I vent, and struggle to process the crazy events that may have just taken place. He literally is the best gift. He allows me time to process things, hugs me, rubs my shoulder, or holds my hand, just as a silent gesture to let me know that he loves me despite my inner struggle.

God has used my husband to help me become the woman I am today. Looking back on our journey of love, I see part of the reason why there was some opposition for us to be a couple. The enemy was scared about what we would do, and who we would become, TOGETHER. In response to that truth, I admit that he should be scared. I say this not to brag but to proclaim the truth that through God, He is doing great and mighty things in and through us, TOGETHER.

If there is anything I have learned the past 3 years it is to: set fear of failure aside, put on those jet packs and fly!


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