Wednesday, March 20, 2013


Recently, I have found myself excited over some things that I never thought that I would be so ready for. There is a renewed sense of hope in my being that has truly helped me to deal with the ache in my heart over the loss of special individuals in my life.

With this, I have found a new sense of creativity to write. I have been combining and mixing in the perspectives I think could come from my husband and stepdaughter in with my own thoughts and feelings. When you are so connected with someone, there are times when his or her own pain feels very much like your own. If you read my writings keep this in mind. Do not assume you know the entire picture.

Hope! There is so much to hope for.  Joy can be yours despite the circumstances that surround you. When things look impossible and hopeless beyond repair, God is doing what He does best. He is working out things for your good that never would take place without every circumstance and situation occurring as it has. 

Everything that has occurred in my life has given me a choice. I can choose to let it make me bitter or I can choose God and allow Him to make me better through it all. This choice is daily, sometimes even an hourly decision depending on the difficulty of the task. I have chosen God over everything. I choose Him now and forevermore. I will not wait to choose Him until tomorrow or the day after that. I will not wait for certain people to do certain things, nor depend on them for my needs. Instead I will forevermore choose God.

God knows me. He has my entire being memorized. It is my desire to know the deepest parts of who He is. I long to hear His heartbeat, to know and listen to His voice above all others, as well as allow Him to love through me. His love casts out all fear. His love heals. His love convicts and brings a cleansing joy over those who surrender and serve Him. It is a love that is unconditional (yet He does not put up with sin for this damages and destroys whom He loves), it is slow to anger (no instant, raging outbursts from Him), and it conquers all things and never fails. This is only a short description of true love, Agape.

Being an imperfect individual being perfected by the maker of Love, I know that I am and will forever learn what His love looks like depending on the person and situation. It is hard because often, even those of us in the church, think that love means very much what the world thinks of it. The world thinks that by loving a person we allow them to continue in destructive behaviors and lifestyles. This goes from one extreme to the next, as long as they are happy. This could mean sexual orientation, other lifestyles, speaking white lies, and even gossip/slander. 

God does not like even a hint of darkness in our lives. Let me say that again, not even a hint! It is this way because He alone knows just how much one small compromise or one small attachment of sin can tumult itself into destruction for one person and then, entire families.  For this reason, it is imperative that we make a choice daily to give up of ourselves and allow God to reign in every aspect of our heart, mind, body, and spirit. There can be no compromise, only true, full devotion.

With this in mind, God knows that we all make mistakes and stumble along on our journey. What matters here is the heart. Where is your heart? What is in the deepest parts of your heart that often is hidden from others, yet exposed to God? Do you long for Him to have every part; all the imperfect pieces, the hurt? Will you allow Him to heal you, to perfect you into His likeness so that you can understand more fully His love? It is only by giving up of yourself that you will find yourself more in His presence. He does not force us to dwell with Him. It is our choice. 

Choice. If we choose Him there is so much more joy, hope, faith and love than we could ever fathom. I choose Him. It is why I have hope today.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Nothing fancy... processing loss

The past several months have been filled with loss. It is an interesting thing to experience sorrow. Depending on what you are grieving about depends on how it will affect you. Last week, I had the opportunity to share my own story. Looking back I have realized just how much loss I have experienced throughout my perfectly imperfect life.

The beautiful thing about God is that despite all that we may go through in life, He is always there to use it for good. I could go on about all of the heartbreaking things that have gone on in the past two years, let alone my entire life. I could tell you that despite my attempts for good, sometimes mud gets thrown back in my face.

Life is hard. It is filled with so many things that will cause you pain. There has been many days that my heart has felt like it was shattered into pieces. Have you ever felt this way?

I think that there will be days that I will continue to fill as if my heart is breaking. The love that I have for people runs so deep. The depth of this love is something that some are often perplexed by. It is almost as if some will run from it, either too afraid to trust or to put it simply, they believe that they are too unworthy to receive it.

What I struggle with most is the pain of lies, betrayal, and ultimately sin coming forth from the tongue (read James 3- he equates it to witchcraft, wickedness). The sorrow from losing someone that you love is hard. To have a continuation of rejection, and lies from others just adds to the pain already present. In fact, losing someone who has not passed on from this life to the next feels almost worse because there is no finalization.

With this in mind, I decided a while ago to not hold these things in anymore. By not holding the pain in any longer and allowing myself to grieve, I believe I can help someone else who may be struggling with similar things. I want my message to always be that you are not alone and that there is always hope.

Dear one, what have you been grieving over? What have you lost? Do you know how valuable you are? Do you know that you are dearly loved?

You are loved, oh so loved!! Come into the arms of the One who will never leave you, nor forsake you.

Monday, March 4, 2013

I like this!! Lysa Terkeurst's Unglued Devotional

Product Details

Lysa Terkeurst is an open book and raw to the core in the Unglued Devotional, revealing some of her most vulnerable and ugly days. What I found was most helpful for me was that through her honesty I was able to recognize again that I was not the only one that struggled with dealing with my emotions in a way that is healthy. I am a passionate woman, who loves so deeply that anytime I feel that my love is being tossed back in my face, it can be hard for me to process these feelings without some kind of burst of energy. This book was a great asset for me to read because it confirmed what God speaks about in the Bible to press into Him, He is after all in control, and learn to let go, and love through my deep emotions.

Some of the things that spoke to me were about the day Lysa shared about being a "reactor or a responder", which is something that I have been working on in my own life. She also touched on the difference between "Condemnation vs. Conviction", "Self Control", and other topics such as forgiveness, peace, and love. Through every day of struggles, victories, and breakthrough, she reveals ultimately the heart of our Father God. He does not change when our circumstances do. His truth does not change with our feelings and our tears will never drown His truth out.

The Unglued Devotional is an excellent asset to the book and Bible study. I have only been able to read the devotional so far and have been reminded more each day, that despite my imperfections, God is always there and loves me through every mistake, heartache, and trouble. It is all right to be honest and raw day to day with your Father God. You are beautiful. Take some time today to sit, read about Gods truth in the Bible with Unglued as a side, and take some time in silence to listen to Him speak His truth to you. You are worth it!