Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Feb. 3, 2014
I have been struggling to write lately these days. There has been so much going on inside of me that it is almost as if all of my words and writing ability has been stuck deep within me. A major reason why I have been struggling to write is because I have been dealing with some deep hurt and rejection.
I have never handled rejection well. In fact, because of the fear of rejection, I tended to be a people pleaser most of my life. It is still something that the Lord has to keep me in check about every day, especially regarding important decisions. The past several years of my life has been a journey of giving this part of myself up to the Lord.
There have been times where it has felt like my heart has been ripped away and then slapped back into my chest because the people I wanted to accept me would not. But God is more important. Choosing Him is my main desire. My love for Him will be shown in my actions. I will let me life speak for itself. Those who know me know how deeply I love my Savior.
My heart has been aching so much lately. I have been dealing with the final and ultimate rejection of a dear one I never dreamed would walk out of my life. My heart has been broken in a new way. Yet, it still beats everyday and the Lord continues to give me the strength to love and serve so many amazing people, whom He calls by name.
Amidst my own turmoil, the Lord speaks life into my being and continues to reveal to me His truth and love. Some days, all I can do is cry in His arms. But I would not want to be anywhere else. In those moments of complete peace and rest with my Best Friend, I am able to see just how He sees what I am going through. There are times where He has to correct things in my own heart. Ugly things that He desires to make beautiful.
Other moments He tells me how proud He is of me for living radically, faithfully for Him. There is nothing better than to know that when He looks at me, He smiles proudly and always has time for coffee. He is everything to me. Without Him, I would be dead, both literally and spiritually. Jesus has saved me from myself. Just as He has already used so much bad for good, I trust that He will continue to do this the rest of my life.
I understand that I am not the only one working through the pain from others. If you have or currently are dealing with this very thing know that there is a Savior that understands. He will turn all things into something beautiful in time!
Here are a few scriptures that I continually meditate on depending on the day that remind me of the hope that I have in Christ.
“And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said: Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.
Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets.”
Did you catch that last part? “Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven.” This is stated after it talks about others excluding and reviling you!
The other passage of scripture that I have found much solace in is Psalm 35. It is a Psalm that seems to communicate how I feel in the moment of rejection, especially when it does not make sense. David experienced horrible actions and rejection by King Saul. Saul even tried to kill David multiple times for no other reason than jealousy. I have yet to have someone attempt to kill me but I have moments where I feel like the enemy certainly has tried.
Remember that when you live for Christ fully, you will be hated. You will be excluded and reviled. People will gossip and slander your name because of Christ in you. Have hope, knowing that God is proud of you for living faithfully for Him. Have hope, knowing that your reward is something that will last eternally.
Forgive daily, stand for truth, and let the Lord have His justice in His time. Let His love consume your heart. Let His Love overflow and splash onto everyone, even if they exclude and revile you. They are worth loving even if they will never accept the love you give them.
Love. Love deeply and never give up.