Monday, November 7, 2011
Bigger and Greater
To be known, to be understood, all my life this has been my desire. The one thing about this is the fact that I have to allow myself to open up; to be so real and honest that there would be no barriers between you and I. But this can be hard because as I open up there is the possibility of being hurt, and even in some cases betrayed. There has to be some form of trust, and I know that this trust is more in God than anyone else.
God has shown me this past week that some of my deepest wounds are from the moments that I have opened myself up. I trusted God in some of my most vulnerable moments and opened up to those I was afraid would not understand. And God has helped me walk through the fire. It has been painful but the flames have never consumed me. Instead, God has been refining me, and perfecting me from the inside out. It is only through the work of God that I am who I am today.
My soul cries out as this fire cleanses out every impurity and possible seed that would stunt the purification process of my growth. My heart and soul has been wounded and I need God to help remove the arrows. This is what my God is doing in me. He is healing the deepest parts of me and removing the arrows that have been shot in my heart and in my back. It is all right to feel betrayed. It is all right because my Savior knows all about betrayal. Peter denied him three times, and still to this day, individuals deny his very existence, his unconditional love and his unending grace. The person who has been betrayed in the most horrific way holds my heart and understands me completely.
I let go of any bitterness and embrace forgiveness. In this, the one who holds my heart teaches me how to truly love someone. He gives me grace during the times when more shots are taken and they cause strife. He gives me strength and courage to remain standing instead of falling back to hide. He gives me the hope to use these arrows and hit the devil right back to show him that my God is bigger and greater than anything that would want to destroy all that God has called good.
Now, I fully embrace these wounds, I pick up the arrows that God has helped to remove and I choose them as my weapons of warfare with Love leading every step. With my husband by my side, God reminds me that I do not fight this battle alone. I am grateful beyond words for this. And at the end of each day, as my husband puts his arms around me, I know just how much God loves me. At the beginning of each day, as my husband embraces me and gives me a tender kiss upon my lips and forehead, I know without a doubt that God is crazy about me and only desires the best for me.
Words can never describe the miraculous touch of God upon my heart and soul. I may walk through the fire but I know that the flames will never consume me (Isaiah 43:2). I hold these arrows intended to destroy me and fight back with all that I am. The one whose eyes are like blazing fire, whose hair is like white wool, whose voice is like the sound of rushing waters, and whose face shines like the sun goes before me with a double edged sword coming from His mouth (Revelation 1:14-16). He is teaching me how to fight back and use these arrows to win battles that are humanly impossible to achieve. In Him alone, I sing and dance my way into battle. He prepares a table before my enemies and anoints my head with oil (Psalm 23:5). Indeed, my God is bigger and greater than any other. Amen.