I found myself reflecting about how much fun marriage is
several days ago. It is literally one of the best adventures that I have ever been on!
It caused me to reflect on how important our dating
experience was for my husband and my relationship. When we were dating we had
very clear boundaries. These boundaries were in place in order for us to focus
on our communication, our relationship with God, and others, as well as keep us
both pure & blameless before God.
We were very careful to never make compromises in any way and
I am very glad that we stuck to them! One of the reasons why I am glad that our
boundaries were never compromised was because I can see now looking back how it
built trust in our relationship. I knew that he truly loved me when we
removed ourselves from possible compromising situations or places just to
ensure our own foundation would not crumble. We even went as far as
inconveniencing ourselves just so our example screamed Gods purity &
protection.
Unfortunately others at the time proclaimed that it just
meant that we were working that much harder to hide ourselves but this was the
furthest from the truth. There will always be someone or groups of people that
will not believe the example that you are setting. Countless couples have told
us of similar claims and have described pain and heartache from the slanderous
claims of others. But the most amazing thing about the truth is that no matter what, no
matter the negative people, God will bless you and your spouse. Do not let
those lies get you down because you are showing just how much you love each
other by remaining pure.
At the same time keeping boundaries and remaining pure during
a relationship reveals a selfless heart. Whenever any person attempts to push the
limits this is never love and is very selfish. If you are a selfish person
(many of us have this to some degree) marriage will be very difficult. Marriage
is selflessly giving of yourself to your spouse. This does not always come
naturally at times. In fact this can be very hard. But this is an area of
growth that God will consistently work on.
In a loving marriage, the desire to give of yourself to that
person should naturally grow as the years go by. I have experienced this just
the short amount of time that I have been married. In fact marriage keeps on
getting better and it is so much more fun than dating! Many people tell me the
opposite. But I have experienced the joy, freedom, and immeasurable love that
is intended to be a part of a relationship. It is supposed to portray Gods
heart for us. His love never runs out and the depth of His heart for us goes on
for eternity.
It is also the most fun when the physical perks enhance the
emotional and spiritual perks/gifts that make a relationship with your spouse.
Here is a list I put together of some of these perks/gifts that come with
marriage:
The freedom to make out (we didn't do this while dating)
Holding hands anywhere and everywhere
Not having to watch where your hands are in an embrace
Living together
Staying overnight at friend’s homes & hotels (no brainer
right? When we dated we never stayed under the same roof overnight even
to visit others)
Sex (One of the most beautiful gifts from God in a marriage.
It truly is amazing)
Sleeping and lying in the same bed (Our first intimate
experience like this was on our wedding night)
Staying up late into the morning just talking (we even were
cautious how late we were out together in our dating relationship)
Being able to boldly check each other out
Going out on weekly dates (dating doesn't end after marriage)
Reading Song of Songs (we saved reading this book of the
Bible until our wedding night)
The list above could go on (feel free to add your own in the
comments below or email them to me if you would like).
I have realized that if there have been any physical
compromises made during dating then marriage may be a little disappointing to
you. Let’s be honest here. If you open up presents early, it takes the
excitement level down in large percentages. It also hinders your relationship
with your spouse later down the road. Marriage is not easy. It is both, husband
and wife, giving 100% to one another. It is hard work! To add compromise as the
foundation of how you first began causes a weak foundation. Add issues from
that weak foundation with the issues that will arise from other things and
marriage will be that much tougher.
But do not fret if compromises took place or your beginning
did not go very well. God is in the redeeming business and He is the best one
at it! As long as both of you are willing to follow Him with all that you are
and not just listen but also obey, your marriage will rock. Given, there will
be tough times but it is worth all of the hard work.
If one of you compromised yourself (or perhaps both of you
did) before marriage also know that in Christ you are not the same person. You
have been made whole and complete again (2 Corinthians 5:17). I believe
wholeheartedly that God restores virginity as well as heals the emotional and
mental scars that come with it, when one offers their entire being to God. Full
surrender and passion for God will bring joy and healing into what was once
given away or stolen.
God is so good at what He does! Believe in His miraculous
handiwork. Allow your heart to always be open to God transforming every area of
your life. When you do this together as a couple, your marriage will reflect
God’s heart.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
"Love
is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist
on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at
wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things.
Love
never ends."
